Lets get real shall we? Depression is more than just feeling sad, It’s feelings of despair, Loneliness, and hopelessness to the point where it interrupts your normal life. Depression runs in my family on both sides, my mother however was the first one to open to me about depression and what to look for since it seems Hereditary. She wanted me to know, so if this ever happened for me I would get help right away. I am forever grateful for this, as no one really teaches you these things. Most people see depression as an excuse to be lazy, to sit around all day doing nothing. If you never have suffered from depression you have no idea what it feels like to feel just total and utter devastation and not know why.
Two years ago I started feeling like something was wrong. I felt like I had this black hole in my chest and nothing could fill it. I wanted to cry at odd times at nothing. I would spend whole days upset and sad for no reason. I became cynical and pessimistic. My husband would constantly ask me what was wrong and I would say nothing, cause at the time I had no idea. My life was good, my husband and I both had okay paying jobs, Tesla and Mordechai were okay. It didn’t make any sense why I would be feeling this way.
One day I sat and thought about it, I then remember what my mom had said about it. I was in denial. There was nothing wrong with me, I’ll get over it, I would constantly tell myself these things. To say you were depressed was admitting you had a flaw, a weakness and no one wants to tell anyone about it. It wasn’t until my depression started overlapping into my marriage. Having my husband, who I love so much, ask me if I was unhappy with him, If I still loved him, if I was going to leave him. I knew that I needed help, Step one was just admitting to myself that I did.
I saw a doctor and was told that Depression could be why I was not sleeping, why I was not able to concentrate any more, Why I was unhappy for no reason. Having answers to a question you have been wanting to know is like taking a breath of fresh air. I was prescribed two medications and I still take them to this day. They help me and while I am not a advocate for Medicating first, ask questions later, this is important.
I’m happier now, I am trying to focus more on positive thoughts and ideas. I am trying to look at the bright side of things and letting things get in the way of my happiness or the happiness of those I love.
Don’t get me wrong, there are those days that depression starts reeling it’s ugly head in, but at least I can handle it now, I know what it is and how to challenge it head on.
If you, or someone you know might be suffering from depression, Please, Please, Please see your doctor.