So I’ve done it! I actually met with someone. I won’t lie she took the first step in asking to meet, but I still did it! We will call her El. El is into vintage style (which she pulls off so well I am actually a little jealous!). She is a part of the military, and loves food. We went for breakfast on Sunday morning, and it was awkward at first, because how the hell do you start conversations nowadays? Eventually we settled in to a comfortable conversation that had us bonding. I was nervous trying to decide on what to wear because I want make a good impression, but not seem like I tried too hard. I ended up with high waist skinny jeans, a mustard colored blouse and a blue open sweater. I completely forgot to take a picture because I was nervous and completely forgot.
We ended up chatting from 9:30 am until 3 so, I think it went well. We did exchange numbers so we just have to maintain this new, precarious friendship we built. I am thinking this Saturday a little farmer’s market date, where we can eat and walk around. Now, I just have to plan what to wear…
So Friend-wise I still have yet to meet anyone face to face, which leads me to have questions like:
Am I taking things to slow?
Do people even want to be my friend?
Should I just ask?
How long does one even wait until you ask someone to meet?
It’s just so hard trying to make friends when your no longer going to parties, around people the same age as you at school, or you know hate your job… but I am trying. I just didn’t realize how insecure you start to feel when you really want something as simple as making a friend.
I’m still having chats with people though, while some have fizzled out I still have quite a few that I keep up a steady stream of chatter with. Hopefully next week I will have an update, something that will give me (and you) hope that this whole internet friendship stuff works.
So I wanted to make sure I keep you up to date on what’s happening in my quest for making friends. I want to bring you all along for every step of the way.
First things first, I dumped FriendMatch. While they had a lot of people to choose from they didn’t have very many in my area. In fact there was only 3 and they weren’t really in the area of Idaho that I was in. So while that could have turned me off the the whole experience in general It actually spurred me to find another site and I did.
Hey! Vina is a mobile app that is pretty easy to use an reminds reminds me of tinder in the sense that you swipe if you want to skip. They also have quizzes you can take that determine your friendship personality. It’s been pretty fun so far. There are a couple of things I don’t like. First if someone sends you a “hey!” you can’t see who it is unless you send them “hey!” as well, so if someone likes your profile you don’t know unless you like them back. Another thing is that if you do match with someone they immediately encourage you to meet in person. I don’t know about you all but I want to get to know someone before meeting them.
I’ve actually have had some success on this site. There’s two potential friends that I am talking to now. The first I will call DB. DB is having a bit of a tough time right now, and laid everything out in our first message to each other. It is somewhat refreshing so I don’t get any surprise drama, I decided to stick around in case she needs a sympathetic ear. The second one I will call HF, we have some stuff in common and although she is a bit older than me and a bit spiritual I hope it works out. HF actually gave me her phone number so I am going to try texting her today (not call, because who does that!).
Is still a little weird for me to use but the users are all very responsive. Hopefully I can find some people in my area. I find the site a bit tough to navigate through but I hope I will get used to it. Besides people responding to my posts I have not really gotten to know anyone personally. Hopefully this changes or it is cut from the list.
So I decided to try again! Last time it didn’t really work as well as I wanted. I think it was partly my fault, I don’t think I applied myself as much as I wanted considering that I thought there would be a stigma involved with having to find a friend online. This time, well to be perfectly honest I could careless what people think, in the world where online dating has become the norm, why shouldn’t I use the internet to find friends?
I moved to a new area where the only person I know is my husband and it is so hard to make friends. I picked 3 sites to help me accomplish this;
This site is like a dumbed down twitter where you post and people can respond and hopefully you establish a connection. It’s a little weird as you need to really work and reach out. I thought this would have been good as a mobile app, but I couldn’t find one. I am not always on to be able to check but hopefully I can put myself out there.
I am much more familar with this site since it is one I have used in the past. It works more like a dating site, where you can get matched with another women in your area and message each other if you feel you would be friends. I like this format better than GirlFriend Circles but we can see which actually helps me make friends.
This one unlike the other 2 is not just limited to women, but for males too. While I am open to making friends of any gender I think I am more comfortable with meeting (right now) meeting someone of the same gender as me. This has more of a search function so you can pick the gender, age and location of the friends you want to meet. Unfortunately there were not a lot of people in my area, but we will see
So those are the sites I’m trying right now, but I will continue to try new sites and perhaps even try to start conversation outside in the real world. I’m just looking for open minded individuals who love eating and reading. I also want someone around my age 25-35. Hopefully this goes well!
Wish me Luck?
I have a low pool of friends, so any I get I need to keep. Since moving to Idaho I have not really had a chance to grow relationships like I want, but I also have to remember that I still have friends back home. So I have a couple things I am doing to make sure I keep my long distance friends
I am not a phone talker. The only person I call is my mom and my husband. I am very awkward on the phone mostly because I get distracted or the phone breaks out and I end up asking or saying the same thing multiple times. Texting is easy though and a quick ‘How’s your day going?’ really does go a long way. Maintaining communication is key and you can’t get lazy. If you are forgetful set up a quick weekly alarm to make sure you check in.
Plan a Skype call
My best friend and I Skype every Friday to play board games. It’s fun and we talk and drink a little wine. While I wish we were together in person this gives us a chance to do something different while also keeping in touch. Plus we can see each other and any physical changes that can occur.
Stay active on Social Media
Honestly I don’t really like Facebook, but it is crucial when I want to stay up to date on family events and friend events. I only have Family and friends on facebook and I make sure that I keep my personal social media separate from my blogs. Not because I am ashamed of my blog, but so I can get information when I want it. Instagram and snapchat are key as well.
I am a gamer plain and simple. I also have friends who play games. Playing MMO games are a great way to stay active with friends and open doors to meeting more people. If you don’t play games that is fine, but if you do definitely do multiplayer games.
So Today is the day. I will be driving 13 hours from California to Idaho. We’ve said goodbyes to family and friends. Even though I know I will see them again as we will return and visit I keep thinking ‘I should have done more with you’. There’s always the ‘oh I will totally visit you’ or the ‘Just let me know your in town I will make time’ but are these just things that get said, will it actually happen?
I really hope so.
Saying goodbye is bitter sweet, you don’t know what the future will bring or what will happen. I guess this is when I find out who is truly my friend and who actually cares about me.